Sex isn't something to joke about.

Hello, everyone. I know that I haven't posted in over a month, and I'm very sorry about that. My life has NOT gotten any less complicated, even though it happens to be summer.
Actually, things have gotten a bit harder.
There's a particular topic about which I wish to rant.
My boyfriend doesn't get to sleep over my house anymore [not that we slept in the same room or anything]. The reason for this was a very small hickey. It was located on my chest, but above the shirt line of my low-cut tops. My mother got very angry when she saw this, and tried to take him away from me completely, but I talked her into it, very simply because if I couldn't see him, I would become a VERY depressed person.
Okay, so there's the back story. What I would like to rant about is the expectations of adults on teenagers, and the hypocritical nature of the judgements they make on us.
My mother calls me a mature, responsible young person. On the other hand, she now won't let me and my boyfriend alone for more than five minutes. Apparently, I'm not responsible enough to know my boundaries and NOT have sex.
May i proclaim to all the people with access to a computer: I AM A VIRGIN AND I PLAN TO STAY THAT WAY UNTIL I AM OVER 17 YEARS OF AGE.
No sex whatsoever until then.
I understand where my mom is coming from and all, I mean my boyfriend and I have been together over a year now, but I think she never really thought about what went on behind closed doors. Which was and still is.............................. NOTHING. The most we've done is made out rather passionately, and it has stayed at that. Nothing more than that.
This is where the hypocrisy comes in. My mother took some preconceived notions about teenagers and their flimsy, hormone-crazed flings and applied it to myself and my boyfriend, which was the WRONG thing to do. We aren't like other couples. He respects my boundaries completely, and I do the same for him. We have agreed no sex until I'm over 17, and we plan to keep it that way. I'm not stupid; I would NEVER give up my virginity at the age I am currently. Personally, I think it is WAY too young. I don't understand why many people I know have chosen to give themselves away to the first boy who says "I love you" to them.

I am not like that.

I put my boyfriend to the test when it comes to loving me. Fate has done the same, and I can honestly say that I know and am 100% sure that he does love me. And I still wouldn't give myself over to him. And it's not because I do not trust him, and it's not because I do not love him. Here's the reason why I won't: I don't want my first time to be some quick fumblings and gropings in the backseat of a car or quickly and quietly in my mother's basement. I honestly think anyone who chooses to cheapen something so valuable in that way IS too young to be trusted.

But I'm not heard and I'm not understood.
Also, my boyfriend isn't either. As soon as this hickey business came about, my aunt was very disappointed in him, and I cannot seem to understand WHY she chooses to feel that way about him and not the same towards me. It is MY body; and it was a mutual agreement that he could leave a mark there. Honestly, it was more of a game. This is how I actually GOT the hickey in question.

Story.....

....We were down the basement and we got into one of our famous tickle-fights.
I knocked him down to the ground and he started tickling me, and to stop him, I threatened to bite him. He didn't believe that I would do it, but apparently I was dead-set on him not tickling me, so I bit down hard on his upper arm. It left a bruise of sorts. I felt bad, and so I told him to bite me so that we would be even. He didn't want to, so I told him to leave a mark, but not somewhere immediately visible so my family wouldn't get the wrong idea. So since I was wearing one of my lower-cut shirts, he pulled it down about an inch and started biting.

See? It wasn't a love bite given in the heat of the moment during some wild sex; it was payback for what happened in the tickle fight.

Honestly, some people really jump to conclusions.

If only I could have explained....


Oh, and another thing. I don't understand these stupid, naive, ignorant teenage girls who have unprotected sex and then get pregnant or contract and STD. YOU WHORES GIVE BAD NAMES TO US RESPONSIBLE YOUNG PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO CONTROL THEIR DESIRES AND KEEP OUT GOD DAMN LEGS CLOSED!!!

Thank you and goodnight.

:]

All the Girls Say I'm Pretty Fly... for a White Guy

Hey hey hey blogging world!! I'm in a pretty good mood today, even though it was painfully boring. I tye-dyed some shirts and my brother did a shirt of his, too. Then I accidentally "acid-dyed" by black shirt with bleach while cleaning up, but I made it look cool. Well, really retro, but cool nonetheless. I can't wait until this weekend, because my baby is coming down here to see me. I love him.

And when I touch your hand

It's then I understand

the beauty that's within

It's now that we begin

You always light my way

I hope there never comes a day

No matter where I go

I'll always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I close my eyes it's you I see

You're everything I know

That makes me believe

I'm not alone

'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I catch my breath

It's you I breathe

You're everything I know

That makes me believe

I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see

So tell me

Do you see me?

School's also coming to an end. I look foward to the summer. Then my love will be down here all the time and I will never be missing him. Hopefully. Because you can miss someone the moment their arms let go of you. C'est vrai.

Je t'adore, mon cher.

When Every Starfall Brought You to Tears Again

Hello blogging world. It's me, as usual. I just went to the nail salon yesterday, and they filed my left thumb all weird, so I just want my readers to know that I am literally going through pain to write this.

I saw the love of my life this weekend. It was pretty amazing. Nothing spectacular, except him. :] Tom came over and we all hung out, and then we went to the mall with RJ, and we all saw "Drag Me to Hell." It was a pretty good movie, but the ending was very upsetting and annoying. Tom would agree with me here, right, Tom? Anyway, Tom, Dave, and me all played DDR [I won] and FUSION FRENZYYYYY on my Xbox. It was so much fun.

The only damper on my weekend was when his mom came to pick him up. Despite the obvious reasons as to why this would be a damper, his mom also came in and asked him to talk to his grandfather, who is opposed to them coming down here [long story]. While my world was on the phone, his eyes got glassy and his angelic features twisted into a masque of sadness. The visage I dread. It almost made tears fall from my eyes, but since his were not falling yet, I decided that I must be strong. His grandfather hung up on him, which was very mean, since it was not mon ange's fault.

This makes me sad, because his face is always so happy when he is with me, but whenever his family gets involved, he gets sad. This is upsetting for me because he has to endure his family for a long time, but his friends he gets to see for only a few seconds, or so it seems. I feel so horrible for him because he deserves better than that. He deserves a loving, supportive atmosphere in which cruelty has no place.

I'm also very nervous because if his grandfather gets angry enough, he may do something unthinkable, like forbid them from coming down to Philadelphia. That deeply saddens me, and I don't want to sink into another depression. It's very sad. I always said that I can't wait until summertime, because then my love would be down here for long long looonnngg periods of time. I hope to the goddesses and gods above that this plan still works. Please, please don't let anything get in the way of that. Goddess, please.

Well, I should go study for finals.

My angel, we will endure.
Our love lasts miles.
And days.
And hours.
And weeks.
It always will.
I love you.
♥

I Miss You More Than I Did Yesterday.. So Far Away

Hello people of Earth (and wherever else you may be from). How is everyone today? I hope just dandy. I don't really know how I am today. Or how I have been the whole week. I feel odd. Detached. No clue why; I guess it's just one of those things. I miss my love like crazy; I haven't seen him in two weeks. It moved me to tears last night before I went to bed, which was really uncool because I was TRYING to get some sleep and my nose was blocked up like there was a Hoover Dam in there or something. It sounds like I'm sugar-coating this to make it seem like it didn't bug me, but this is exactly how I viewed it. Okay, maybe not exactly. I WAS sad. And it saddened me [hence the tears], but I'll endure.
Something that always scares me is that we will grow apart. My angel and me, I mean. Whenever I feel detached, I think that it will happen. We'll slowly go apart. And I desperately don't want that to happen. I will hold him by his sequined scarf so he won't go. I think I unconsciously separate myself from the rest of everyone because I'm scared of that. I know it sounds like that doesn't make sense, and it doesn't fully, but it does. Not sure how, but it does.
I love him dearly. And the pieces of myself are missing him with a longing, worse than that of a caged bird who longs to stretch his wings. And it hurts worse than those cramped wings. Goddess, it hurts. My eyes burn, my chest hurts, and random things stop. Like my reactions. To anything. Maybe that is the reason for my curious detachment. The only remedy for this is his arms. His lips. His smile. His eyes. His face. Him. My angel. His words of love tie me over, but they only do so much. I don't know why, but I need the reassurance that he loves me and that he will never leave me. We haven't spoken a lot because our schedules don't allot us that time, and that, I think, is the reason why I need the assurance.
Baby, please tell me you love me. I know you do, but I need to hear it.
I love you. I need you. I miss you. I want to hear you laugh; to see your smile; to see your eyes light up and sparkle in the moonlight when I'm in your arms; to be with you; to see your face scrunch up when I touch your nose. I love all of that. I miss all of that. I love you. I miss you. I need you.

In the Rain, the Pavements Shine Like Silver

Hello everyone. I have adopted the tradition of using song lyrics of the titles of my blogs. This one is a little obscure. It's from a song called "On My Own" from the musical, Les Miserables. I'm not exactly sure what the musical is about because I have never seen it, but I love the music that I've heard from it. It has a beautiful melody that twirls its flowing trails of music around your mind, ensnaring your emotions and manipulating them to be what they want them to be.

So, the song is very sad. Here are the lyrics:

On my own

Pretending he’s beside me

All aloneI walk with him till morning

Without him

I feel his arms around me

And when I loose my way

I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain

The pavement shines like silver

All the lights

Are misty in the river

In the darkness

The trees are full of starlight

And all I see is him and me

Forever and forever

And I know

It’s only in my mind

That I’m talking to myself

And not to him

And although

I know that he is blind

Still I say

There’s a way for us

I love him

But when the night is over

He’s gone

The river’s just a river

Without him

The world around me changes

The trees are bare

And everywhere

The streets are full of strangers

I love him

But every day I’m learning

All my life

I’ve only been pretending

Without me

His world will go on turning

A world that's full of happiness

That I have never known

I love him

I love him

I love him

But only on my own

So okay, I know it's sad, but it is so beautiful. You must listen. =] ♥

Think About You

[Here are some lyrics to a song the love of my life played for me.][They fit us perfectly.]

Think About You

Say baby you been lookin' real good

I remember when we met

Funny how it never felt so good

It's a feelin' that I knowI know I'll never forget

Ooh it was the best time

I can remember

Ooh and the love we shared-is lovin' that'll last forever

There wasn't much

in this heart of mine

There was a little left

and babe you found it

It's funny how I never felt so high

It's a feelin' that I know

I know I'll never forget

Ooh it was the best thing

I can remember

Ooh and the love we shared-

is lovin' that'll last forever

I think about you

Honey all the time

my heart says yes

I think about you

Deep inside I love you best

I think about you

You know you're the one I want

I think about you

Darlin' you're the only one

I think about you

Somethin' changed in this heart of mine

An' I'm so glad that ya showed me

Funny how I never felt so high

It's a feelin' that I know

I know I'll never forget

Ooh it was the best time

I can remember

Ooh and the love we shared-

is lovin' that'll last forever

-Guns 'n Roses

"Think About You"

Falling

This weekend was amazing. The love of my life and I danced to songs, we watched movies, and we went on a surprise picnic. I love him more than ever, and I don't care that he is far away because we'll always see each other in the end. That thought made me happy and I realize that I shouldn't be sad just because he's not here in body, because I know he's here in spirit. He has my heart and I his.

I'm

f

a

l

l

i

n

g

in love.

Again.

I love him and I know we will be together until the end.