Muffins vs. Cupcakes

Hi people. I have recently seen a funny saying on a T-shirt that said “Muffins are just ugly cupcakes.” I find this statement to be completely ridiculous because, from my understanding, muffins came BEFORE cupcakes.
Here’s how I thought it went down: [story time! Gather round the campfire, kids!]
It was 1363, medieval England. The sun was just about to rise above the lip of the horizon. John the baker was lighting the ovens in his bakery, whistling a happy tune. Ye Olde Bakery was the best bakery in all of the land. Everyone loved it, and everyone was friends with John. The children loved him because he always gave them a small piece of honey-cake, fresh from the ovens, whenever their family bought a loaf of bread from him. He made good bread, but his cakes were even better. They were world-renowned. The King of England knew of his cakes. Poppyseed cakes, honey cakes, rum cakes, strawberry short cakes, apple cakes, and the most well-known: John’s own Blueberry cake. Mary, the smith’s wife, always gave John a basket of ripe blueberries for his blueberry cakes in exchange for one of them after he made them. There was only one problem with these cakes. They were too large! People would be carrying them in the streets, and they would need to ask the help of another to carry it all!
One day, while John was icing the top of his latest berry cake, a squire of the king’s entered his shop! In he walked, looking regal in the King’s coat of arms, with a short scroll in his hand. He looked at John with a calculating eye as John finished icing his cake.
“Can I help you, sir?” John asked.
“I have here a message from His Majesty regarding your blueberry cake. It seems to have gathered quite a reputation around the castle halls. The message reads: ‘I am holding a royal ball in a fortnight, and I would like you to bake several of your world-famous cakes for me to serve as a desert. I only request that you make the cakes so that it is one serving in a cake. My subjects and my court must be able to hold them in their hands while they socialize.’”
John just nodded his head. The squire took this as an okay, and left. He immediately went to the smith’s house and asked Mary if he could speak with her husband. She got him from his room. John explained his plight. He had no baking tins that would make individual cakes! The Smith had an idea. He took a piece of regular sheet metal and pounded six tiny round impressions in it. John marveled at the tins. He rushed back and cooked his cakes. They looked wonderful! They had little “hats” on the top, and they were cooked perfectly!!!
The king loved them, and the official name of the delicious little cakes were Most Up For Food In New States, but they decided that it didn’t makes sense, so they shortened it to “muffins.”
So, clearly cupcakes came first. Why would someone make little cakes with icing? They would make hearty cakes for common people. There is no fact that I know of in that story, but that’s how I fancy it happened.
Cupcakes are prissy. They are small and made of just one type of batter. The icing takes away from the taste because it’s that icky sugary bakery icing or it’s that buttercream icing that tastes like you just bit into a stick of butter.
Muffins are so cool, they don’t need to look pretty. The taste says it all.
I have concluded that cupcakes are muffins that are trying too hard.