Apologies

Hello everyone.
Internet status today: still down.
This really sucks.
I really hate Verizon… with passion.

Anyway, my week has been painfully free of phone conversations [this makes me sad]. However, my week has been [also painfully] full of drama. I remember I once mentioned a friend of mine in one of my earlier posts, and I’m talking about this person. The reason I’m not disclosing names is because this is a personal issue that they are dealing with and I don’t feel that I have the right to disclose personal information about a person, especially when it is accessible by anyone and everyone. Plus, they trusted me with this knowledge, and I keep secrets the best I can [which is pretty well, if I do say so myself].
Alright so my friend, who I will call T, has a problem. T cuts him/her self. T confided in me about this a while ago, and when I asked to see T’s wrists one day, T was reluctant to show me. Then another one of my friends named L asked me why I would say that, and I said quietly “because [s] he cuts him/her self.”
I already felt bad enough about this because I wasn’t planning on telling anyone T’s secret, and I felt really bad about it all day.
The next day, T came in with a bandaged wrist. I approached T and asked if [s] he cut. My worst fears were confirmed. T had. Tears sprang to my eyes as I caught a glimpse of a deep red, irritated slash that wasn’t fully covered by the wrap. A friend I used to know did that and had tried to commit suicide via cutting. It made me so sad and made me so scared and small. I didn’t want to lose T, and I didn’t want T to be hurt. I thought one of the reasons T did that was because I told L about it. It ate me up inside that one of those cuts was made with me in mind. I can’t stand that. I felt so guilty. I was sitting with T and our fairly large group of friends, and I looked over at T. T had such a sad look on his/her face when T looked at me, I started crying. Full-on tears. My friend R asked me what was wrong and I just said “I can’t sit here” and I went away.

I felt really bad. And I don’t think T will ever see this, but I just have a message for him/her.

T, we all love you. Everyone loves you. And those cuts on your wrists don’t hurt just you. They hurt Laura, they hurt Shanahan, they hurt Bobbert, they hurt Rashayshay, they hurt Yoshi, and they hurt me. I know you don’t want to tell me anything about why, and I know you probably don’t trust me enough yet to confide in me, but I just want you to know that I am here. I will listen. I will try to help. I know you probably think I betrayed you by telling L, and I’m truly sorry. I didn’t know it would affect you that badly. I’m so sorry, T. I’m so sorry. I just want everyone to be happy, and I don’t want you to hurt. Please just know that you can trust me, and that I’ll never tell anyone about your secrets again.
I feel like it was my fault that you did it.
I’m so sorry.